I'm really trying not to think of it or to say it out loud, because I know that if I do, it'll become real. And I just can't handle that again.
This would be totally hilarious if it didn't resemble an ominous prediction of the future:
Age has been a lingering obsession of mine since I left my teens. However old I've been is too old. At 26, I felt totally washed up. At 32, I regretted wasting time worrying about my age as a 26-year-old, because now I was convinced I really was totally washed up. At 38, I look back at my 32-year-old self and regret that he wasted time with those regrets about wasted time. Then I regret wasting my current time regretting regrets about regrets. This is pretty sophisticated regretting I'm doing. That's the sole advantage of ageing: I can now effortlessly consolidate my regrets into one manageable block of misery. Otherwise, by the age of 44, I'd need complex database software just to keep track of precisely how many things I'm regretting at once.
- Charlie Brooker, The Guardian 12 October 2009
When a city like Paris becomes as famous as it is, the endless stream of people wanting a piece of the Parisian magic begins, and for every tourist enraptured by its charm, no doubt there will be ten more disappointed that the city of lights and romance has failed to live up to their expectations.
Maybe it's the newfound photography geek in me, but Paris has turned out to be one of my personal favourites among the places I'd visited. As long as the feet are strong and the heart is willing, there is no shortage of snap-worthy scenes all over the city. There are the enormously famous landmarks...
It's true then, the saying about old habits dying hard. True at least for this long-lost habit of mine of blogging in the dead of the night. And yes the title doesn't make much sense but does anything make sense anyways? Maybe I'm just hungry again. Please feed me.
Back then, like maybe 10 years ago, I used to think that 10 years from now I'd be some straight-A or somesuch graduate, knowing everything, galloping around in heels and very sure of the blindingly glorious career path I'd be embarking on. How disappointed my young, innocent self would be if I'd knew then that I'd be horribly wrong on all counts. Especially the heels part.
I used to resent the fact that my life then was more or less set on a course, albeit without my having a say in it. I also used to think that it was kinda cool to be able to do lotsa stuff well-ish... but then I'd also never quite grasped the meaning of 'the jack of all trades is a master of none'. Now having (some) freedom to choose seems a lot less than it was hyped up to be, largely because the options now start off equally unappealing, with no obvious advantages, and keep multiplying and getting worse over time.
Never mind the fact that the above rambling was set off just by watching a double episode of Heroes, or that the nagging feeling that my newly earned degree is of the wrong major keeps coming more than usual... the worst feeling now is that of overwhelming despair that has been plaguing me since exactly two weeks ago, and is threatening to stay. And also the realisation that the only thing that I really wanna do is
are always the hardest when you have to say it to places where you've left a piece of you behind.
Sunday, 2 August. 1 day before deadline
1030 - Wake up. Get real motivated to start assignment "real early".
1200 - Still on Gizmodo.
1230 - Lunchtime. Must give self some "rest" while eating.
1400 - Urban Outfitters has some really nice stuff...
1530 - Start blasting music that D deems crap. Start reading journals.
1545 - Facebook is SO interesting.
1630 - A short nap would be nice...
1730 - Back to journals.
1800 - 2200 - Read journals. Facebook. Ebay. ooomg leather bags. All Saints. Who's that outside the window? Journals. Strawberries. Bejeweled.
2200 - OMG Facebook says my friends have finished but I have no intro yet OMG
2300 - 1 paragraph done. Rest.
Monday, 3 August. Deadline.
0400 - 3 out of 6 paragraphs done. McCoy's chips help me celebrate
0500 - Sunrise. 4 out of 6 paragraphs done. I WANT TO DIEEEE
0530 - Why didn't I start 5 days ago? *facepalm*
0615 - Done. Stagger to bed.
0700 - Good morning sunshine. Time for class T.T
9 more days like this to go in the month ahead. Whoopdeedoo.
The world according to kitty is a very nice one. I want to go to there.
I am hereby ashamed to admit that I am a failure as both a geek and an Apple fangirl.
Surprisingly, I enjoyed London a lot more than I thought I would...
... enjoyed 2-hour hikes a lot more than I thought I would (it's awesomer when you click on it :P)...
... but most surprisingly of all, Edinburgh turned out to be the place which holds my heart. I always figured myself to be a true blue city girl, only content to be surrounded with the flashing lights of the big city, and all the clothes and gadgets and malls that come with one... but apparently I never really grew out of all the stories of the quaint old towns and whatnot I read when I was still a wee lass.
