Sunday, January 13, 2008

random midnite rant

WARNING: Meaningless rant below

[rant]

why does it always have to be like this... this feeling of longing for something you can never ever have, it's becoming all too familiar, breaking me little by little every day... am i doomed to be like this forever? life sucks, for sure, but well-meaning but over-optimistic friends don't make things any easier. "it's just not your time," they say; "sure can one," they say; "you're not that bad," they say; "miracles happen," they say; "you go so well together,' they say; i never believed any of those fluffy marshmallow, happy-happy land crap, and damn right i was to do so. being the fool i am to always fall for people out of my league, i'd better be realistic enough to know that life just doesn't work like the happy-ending shit that goes on in the movies...

why, though... why do i have to have this god-forsaken 'pattern'? he's bad news and i knew(know) it... yet i am just inexplicably always drawn to him... why? i can't help but notice when you're around me, i hang around just to make sure you're ok, i think about you all the time, i make excuses just to be around you or to do stuff for you, and yet i swore i would never ever chase a guy... and i'm always scolded by my friends for this sort of mindset... "what century is it already?!" but i can't... because i know that rejection is the only possible outcome, and i cannot take it... what am i to you? do i even register on your radar when other people are around? you always come to me only when there is no one else left or you need me, and you barely speak to me when there are others around... please tell me i am imagining this, like my over-optimistic friends say so... yet sometimes, once in a blue moon, you act ever so slightly like i am not just an ordinary friend... or maybe, most probably i'm imagining that as well... what kind of luck would that be, right? i always tell them that there is no remote chance, ever, that we would ever be together, like my brain is telling me, but part of my heart wishes that what my friends say is true - that we're compatible and have the so-called chemistry =.= i just wish i had the slightest idea what you're thinking... i would settle for you not being repelled by what they say in front of you because i know i would never be considered in your league by you...

yea... as people always say - let things happen by themselves, just take it one step at a time, don't worry there'll surely be someone for a sucker like you, etc, etc, etc... i already know all of that by heart, i just follow my brain's 'splash of cold water' advice to keep moving on - it's kept me living for so long anyway... just that darn thing called 'hope' getting in the way... this is why i'm proud to call myself a realist/pessimist... life always sucks, repeating itself in this stupid cycle again and again... so never expect much from life, and life will be a lot easier to go through...

[/rant]

OK, that's my rant for tonight... I feel kinda bad that my UTAR peepz are all slaving in hell or something for internships, and here I am babbling about this nonsense. It's just, studying really messes with the wires in my head sometimes, so I'm blogging at this very early hour with no proper punctuation. Jeesh. To all my interning friends - all the best and good luck with your internships, I've read your blogs and I'm properly scared now. I'm sure y'all will make it out successfully, and we'll all go celebrate successful internships when we're all done, k?! Luv y'all lots~~ XD

K I go sleep now... will probably post more tomorrow...

2 comments:

rei said...

i knoe....i totaly know what u r talking about~~~ hah! i feel ya pal~~~ most mortals wont ...but i do~~ cos im just yet another unique mortal which sees n exp such thing far before most mortals time. gah!!!! not to mention i dun like liying to myself that everything is fine when its not.

so ya ...i fell ya pal...i feel ya... the only diff thing btw us is taht i've chosen escapism as a temporary solution. as long as i m indulge with my anime guys, at least it can keep me in sanity for awhile, to keep my dark days at bay.

lol. ironic, eh?

frEsh said...

haih~~ i can't escape. literally. especially when there r ppl determined 2 b matchmakers always around... =.=.... anyway its nice 2 know SOME1 noes wat it feels like... *hugglez*