You might not be able to tell, but I'm actually quite fond of the slasher/horror/alien/ghost/paranormal sorta films. Thanks to my mom, actually. I remember watching Silence of the Lambs ('very interesting wan', said mom) when I was 5 without batting an eyelid, and also watching at least one of the movies in the Alien series when I was like... 3? 4? and henceforth being disappointed when any alien movies I watched did not involve aliens busting out of someone's stomach.
Which is why after hearing a lot about the horror classic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre over the years, I was finally intrigued enough to download and watch it. And... I dunno if my expectations were too high, or maybe movies in the 70's just kinda suck. Either way, it was underwhelming, to say the least.
First off, the movie is just a very normal length of about 1 hour 20 mins, but it was a freakin' half hour before anything happened. A freakin' third of the movie. No buildup whatsoever... just boring boring arewethereyet boring OH SHIT HE'S DEAD. And there's no discernible plotline to this movie either. It is exactly what you'd imagine when you see a movie title like that, and nothing more: demented guy turns some really unlucky people into fun-sized bites with his chainsaw for absolutely no fucking reason at all. His whole murderous family is equally as demented and there is no explanation whatsoever about how they became cuckoo, what is it they kill people for or whatever. They just run around pulling unsuspecting victims into their house of horrors, which somehow managed to go unnoticed by anyone.
I'm not done yet. Most of the time the dialogue seems like it was written by a disgruntled intern who got tired of throwing pencils at the ceiling in his musty corner and decided to write down random shit that came out of his mind. And don't get me started on the (non-existent) editing. The pace of the movie is just butt-clenchingly slow with a lot of unnecessary prancing around and zooming in on stuff sometimes. If that's not enough, one of the things that annoyed me the most was the atrocious lighting throughout many parts of the show. I mean, there are times when all you can see is literally black with specks of colour. Like this.
What's going on there? Are the undead having a frat party there? Did someone find the entrance to Narnia? Maybe a unicorn's hiding there? OK so this is like maybe 7 or 8 p.m. at night in the movie. But this...
... is about maybe 3 or 4 p.m. in the afternoon. Still can't see shit. Winnie the Pooh could be standing in the corner with a parang for all we know.
OK I guess I'm a little harsh since it was made in the 70's. And to be fair, me and my friends did get scared quite a bit at parts, and the sound effects were quite traumatizing... but I was sorta expecting more from a 'classic'. If this movie, this original cut, was released now, I'm not sure what kind of reaction it'd get from moviegoers today. But back then, apparently it was considered so terrifying that people walked out of the sneak preview (the sneak preview for goodness' sake), and it grossed like 30.8 million USD domestically. Seriously?!
Well. I guess I'll just have to stick to watching Fringe for now. When it finally comes back from its damned hiatus. I feel so empty inside. I'll go sleep now.